How I Shine in This Body: A Journey to Love and Acceptance

I'd always been this happy go lucky girl, a social butterfly, always smiling. But life happens, people happen. 

Two people in my past hurt me terribly. One I was in a long term relationship with, until it ended badly and painfully, in more ways than one. Later, someone who needed to push others down, in order to lift themself up. Unfortunately, the second came along before I had a chance to heal from the first. Having your appearance and your body, picked apart and ridiculed; oh man it does damage to your heart and mind. It’s crazy. You think, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me”, but that’s not true. Especially if those words are coming from someone you love or trust. They really hurt. They tore me down and destroyed my self-worth, made me feel like I was nothing. I let them tell me what I was, or what I wasn't, until I didn’t even know myself anymore. Their mean, hateful words ate at me for years, caused me to question everything about the way I looked, caused me to start questioning who I was all together, caused me to question what I was worth, if I was worth anything at all. 

I crawled inside of myself. I spent years being depressed and hating myself. No matter how much I tried to change my body, it didn't erase the hurt, the self-doubt, or the pain. I became a runner, I lost weight, I perfected my hair and mastered my makeup. It didn't erase the pain though; it didn't make me FEEL any better, because the pain, the SCARS, they were on the inside. I had to build myself back up from the inside out. No one could fix me, but me.

One day I decided I didn't want to hurt anymore. I did some major soul searching. I got help. There is nothing wrong with talking to a professional if you need to. For so long I thought I was weak, that I needed to just deal with it. Just push it down until it didn’t affect me anymore. They're just words right? But it festers and it bubbles up, it manifests itself in ways you can’t imagine. So get it out. Talk to someone. It saved me.

I realized that the things those people said to me or about me, and what they did to me. That was about them! It was their insecurities, their issues, which they had projected onto me. It wasn't about me at all! It was so liberating. I let it go, I let it ALL GO. For the first time in years, I was free. I was free from the pain, free from the judgment, the hurt. I look at those people now through very different eyes.

And now when I look at myself, I see that I am perfectly imperfect. Every part of me is part of my story, and my story has a happy ending. I love me! I'm good, and kind, and I'm beautiful! 

I decided I wanted to help others feel strong, and beautiful, and validated and worthy. I wanted to spread a little sunshine in a sometimes dark world. I love that quote, “Never let anyone dull your sparkle”. Sometimes, though, people and the world, they do dull that shine. But together we can be brighter than ever. Let’s lift each other up. Let’s spread positivity,  love and kindness. Be that beacon of light for someone else. If you’re being tormented by someone right now, or you are in an emotionally or physically abusive relationship, there are people who can help you. You are not alone. We’ve got each other's backs! Life can be so beautiful.

It took me a long time to learn how to love myself, but now that I do, there’s no going back. 

This body is made to empower! This body is made to be kind, to inspire, to love, to lift others, this body is made to OVERCOME, to rise above. This body is mine! 

Check out all the amazing stories of women who have overcome obstacles and learned the importance of loving yourself over on Instagram as part of the Lane Bryant "This Body" campaign. Search the hashtag #thisbodysweepstakes I was so inspired I knew I wanted to be a part of it myself. You can check out my video here. Click here to learn about Girls Inc. 

"Be the change you hope to see in the world." 

Love, 

Kate